Shuffle: RxA
by Micayasha
Summary: A shuffle meme for Rikku/Auron. Ten songs, ten chapters.
1. Lovers in a Dangerous Time

This is a shuffle meme: I put my iPod on shuffle and take the first ten songs I get, and then write ficlets to them. This is the Rikku/Auron one. I also have a Gippal/Baralai one.

Please note: X is a direct sequel to III. Also, in IX they are intended to have a relationship established already.

* * *

**I**

Lovers in a Dangerous Time  
The Barenaked Ladies

_When you're lovers in a dangerous time  
Sometimes you're made to feel as if your love's a crime  
Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight  
Got to kick at the darkness til it bleeds daylight._

They don't tell a soul how they feel.

It's not that Auron worries what the others would think. It's true that there's an age difference, but every Spiran knows that you have to love when you can, in whatever form it comes, because there may not be another chance. So he's quite sure that nobody would really judge them.

If he's honest, it's mostly that this – whatever this is – is probably one of the best things that's ever happened to him. It's something born of joy and passion; one of the few things they have not born of fear or hate. Everything seems to spring from those darker roots, and so when Auron kisses her and tastes sunlight and laughter and _life_, he can't bring himself to say anything to Yuna or Tidus or anyone else. Because sharing this kind of happiness, he worries, could shatter it. Because Rikku can make him forget, if only for a few hours, that he shouldn't be here at all. Because he only has so long, and he wants her all to himself.


	2. I'm Not Dead

**II**

I'm Not Dead  
Pink

_  
She looks to the sun, help her to carry on  
Breaking down all the years, wondering how she got here  
She drifts through the sky counting the reasons why  
How my life turned so fast; remembering all of the past._

"Rikku?"

She doesn't answer the quiet knock, or Lulu's hesitant voice. She knows Lulu means well, but honestly, all she wants right now is to keep crying, because when she runs out of tears she's going to have to actually _face_ it.

Lulu comes in anyway, shutting the door with a quiet click behind her. "You haven't eaten at all today."

"I'm not hungry," Rikku chokes out, inching towards the far end of the bed, away from Lulu and her kindness.

"But your body needs food anyway."

Rikku's stomach growls at the smell of the meal Lulu's brought up with her, and can hear a smile in her voice. "I'll leave it here," she says. Rikku almost thinks that's the end of it, but then the bed dips and she realizes Lulu has sat down on the edge.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Rikku says, squeezing her eyes shut and trying to stifle her sobs until she's alone again.

"I know." Lulu's hand lands on her shoulder, warm and reassuring, and Rikku wants to roll over and throw herself into Lulu's arms and cry like a baby, but –

"Yunie's more important."

"It isn't a matter of importance," Lulu says, almost scolding her. "We are all suffering. It doesn't mean that your suffering is any less important than Yuna's."

But it is, Rikku knows. Yuna's suffering is always more important. It's _Yuna._ She just saved the world.

Lulu pulls her up into a sitting position, studying her tearstained face intently. "Rikku. "There was something… between you and Auron, wasn't there?"

She doesn't answer because she isn't sure she trusts her voice anymore. Lulu tugs her forward, wrapping Rikku up in her arms. It feels, Rikku thinks, like the way her mother used to hold her when she had a nightmare. Her eyes burn again and she can feel tears trickling out again, soaking into the fur on Lulu's gown.

"I'm sorry," Lulu says simply, and Rikku wants to _howl._ Because she should have seen it before, there were a thousand and one clues but she'd just missed them, or ignored them, and now he is gone and she hadn't had time to really say goodbye.


	3. Waltz of the Moon

**III**

Waltz For the Moon  
Final Fantasy VIII

"Aren't you enjoying the party?"

Rikku tilted her head way back, looking up at an upside-down Auron. "Sure," she said with an easy grin. "Just taking a break. It's nice out hear." The music could still be heard, faintly, even from the deck. Inside all hell had broken loose – it should've been the best birthday party Rikku had ever had.

"I thought you'd be celebrating 'til dawn," Auron said, sitting down next to her. "Happy birthday, by the way."

"Thanks." Rikku shrugged. "This party isn't really for me, though."

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, I'm not _dumb._ We fight Sin tomorrow. Everybody's trying to get in one last night of fun, just in case."

Auron blinked, because it wasn't that Rikku was _stupid,_ just –

"You think I'm not worried about it, too?" Rikku sighed, staring down at her lap, toying with the pouches on her belt. "I know I was all gung-ho about this idea, but…"

"You're not losing your nerve?" Auron said it like a challenge, and Rikku jumped to her feet all up in arms, just as expected.

"No! We're doing this! It's just." Rikku's tone mellowed and her hands were running nervously through her unbound hair. "I'm just fift—_sixteen_. I'm doing this, I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else, not for anything, and I'm fighting no matter _what_ Pops says, but – well, it's scary, y'know. Sixteen and I might not come back from this. It's a freaky thought. This isn't just a couple o' fiends. This is _Sin._ The grand finale."

Auron didn't know what to say. He wasn't going to argue with her – she wasn't a child for whom things could be sugarcoated. She saw right through everything, despite everyone's best attempts to shield her. "Yes," he said at last, meeting her eyes with a steady, unflinching gaze. "It is possible that this is the last night any of us will ever see."

Rikku swallowed.

He stood up, straightening his coat and trying not to stare as Rikku stretched and her shirt pulled tight over her breasts. _Sixteen._

"Well," she said, a little of her old cheerful tone back in her voice, "I guess there's no use worrying, huh? What happens, happens." She shrugged, and her bright smile was a little too false, but Auron said nothing. They all had their ways of coping.

"Say," she went on, her voice suddenly sly and her smile mischievous. "Would you like to dance?"

"_What?_" Auron actually _gaped_ for a moment before pulling himself together. "I don't think so. Maybe you should ask Tidus. I'm sure he would be happy to indulge—"

"_No_," Rikku said, drawing out the vowel teasingly, "I asked _you._ Come on, think about it. What if you die tomorrow and you have to spend the rest of eternity wishing you'd said yes?"

She was coy and flirtatious and Auron had never seen her like this before, but it was doing funny things to his insides. "I–"

Looking into her big green eyes, the only part of her that could give away her youth, he knew he wouldn't refuse her. This well could be her very last dance, and he knew, without a doubt, it would certainly be _his._

"All right," he choked out, and she beamed like the sun after a thunderstorm. There was a waltz coming on, and – well, at least that was one dance he did know.

Her hand was tiny in his, and her the bare strip of skin at her waist felt so warm under his cold hands that he couldn't help but wonder about the warmth of her lips. She stepped on his toes a few times, but she was so light that he barely noticed it.

"You're pretty good at this," she said, grinning with a touch of embarrassment. "I knew there was a sensitive side to you!"

He didn't answer. Only moments later, she leaned in, laying her head on his shoulder and sighing into his neck, her yellow hair tickling his cheek, and she was too _young_. Whatever it took, this would not be her last dance. He swore it.

The chords died and she pulled away, the smile on her face looking a great deal more sincere. And she kissed his scratchy cheek. "Thanks," she said, and then she was gone, darting back into the life and laughter of the party.

He sighed, scrubbing his face with his hands, staring out at the clouds below and the stars above, and for the first time in almost ten years, he wished he was alive.


	4. Stand

Al Bhed translations at the bottom.

* * *

**IV**

Stand  
The Rascal Flatts

_When push comes to shove you taste what you're made of  
__You might bend till you break, 'cause it's all you can take  
__On your knees you'll look up, decide you've had enough  
__You get mad, you get strong  
__Wipe your hands, shake it off  
__Then you stand._

Everybody was treating her like porcelain. Rikku thought she might go crazy.

Yuna was back at Besaid, with Lulu and Wakka. Rikku had wandered aimlessly for a while, until Cid found her one day sitting at the campfire in the Zanarkand ruins, staring at the flames and trying to put herself back in that night. She tried to remember the way she'd felt – scared, angry, frustrated, but still somehow _safe_ because these were the people she'd grown to trust more than she trusted _herself_ – and then she'd begun to cry.

Cid carried her back to the airship like a baby, and from then on he'd reassumed his role as father. But he was acting _weird_ – acting so careful and gentle that Rikku wanted to _scream._ It was touching, really. But Cid had always treated her like an adult, mature and strong and capable. Able to take care of herself. Now people tiptoed around her, as though if she saw something red or heard a word that began with 'A', she might just burst into tears and throw herself off the deck of the ship.

She'd had it.

It hurt. It hurt _bad_. If Rikku was honest, it felt like a knife twisting in her gut every time she thought of him.

But she was not a child any longer.

And so one night, she snuck into Brother's room, clapping a hand over his mouth and pinning him down with the other until he recognized her. Glaring, he stilled and waited for her to release him.

"Fryd yna oui tuehk eh rana?" he hissed. "E's _denat._"

"Tuh'd lyna," she answered dismissively. "Ruf fuimt oui mega du ku uh yh ytjahdina?"

"Fryd?" His voice was suspicious, but he was listening attentively.

"Nasaspan dryd yencreb fa tik ib mycd faag?"

She watched the slow grin spread over his face, and knew she'd won without even a fight.

They stole the newly-excavated Celsius that very night with Brother as Captain – because Rikku could fix an airship, but she sure as heck couldn't fly one! – and, standing on the deck with the wind raking through her hair, the night air stinging her bare skin, she let out a long, exhilarated shout.

It hurt. But she had a new airship, a new crew, and there was a new world out there, waiting to be discovered.

And she was _free._

Al Bhed Translations:

_Fryd yna oui tuehk eh rana? __E's denat._ – What are you doing in here? I'm tired.

_Tuh'd lyna. Ruf fuimt oui mega du ku un yh ytjahdina?_ – Don't care. How would you like to go on an adventure ?

_Fryd?_ – What?

_Nasaspan dryd yencreb fa tik ib mycd faag?_ – Remember that airship we dug up last week?


	5. I Will Remember You

**V**

I Will Remember You  
Sarah McLachlan

_I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose  
__Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose  
__Once there was a darkness: deep and endless night  
__You gave me everything you had; oh, you gave me light._

There were so many things she still didn't know about spheres, Rikku thought. So many mysteries. Dresspheres hold the memories and emotions of the former user, but it seemed they could connect to those of their new master, too.

Turning it over in her hands, Rikku stared into the marbled red depths of the Samurai dressphere. The movie recorded on it was nothing, really – a clip of a Zanarkand blitzball game whose players were all unfamiliar – but the dressphere was _everything._

The last time she'd held Auron's sword had been when he was teaching her. She remembered how her muscles had screamed in protest, how her arms had shaken. And she remembered how he'd guided her, steady and sure, until she could swing it on her own. Until its heavy weight barely slowed her down, and the hilt was a comforting presence in her hands.

She'd assumed it would disappear with Auron.

Now, it lay on the bed next to her, the blade cool against her thigh but warming with her body heat. She didn't understand. She'd been happy for Yuna when the dressphere had given her Tidus' sword – she'd seen the look in Yuna's eyes, the confidence with which she swung it. And now Rikku understood that fearlessness, that it was almost as if Auron was behind her, reminding her to tighten her stomach and keep her chin up, fixing her grip on the hilt. She could almost hear his voice and feel his breath on the back of her neck.

"I think he would have wanted you to have it," Yuna said. Rikku jumped – she hadn't heard anyone entering. The look in Yuna's eyes was soft, sympathetic, and Rikku realized that she _knew._ "You know," she went on, sitting on the foot of the bed, "I heard Tidus asking him why he was teaching you. Tidus said he wasn't surprised you'd asked, but that he never would have expected Auron to say yes."

"Yeah?" Rikku rubbed her scarf over the sphere to clear her fingerprints from its glossy surface.

"Auron said that you showed more desire to learn than anyone he'd ever encountered. He said he thought if he didn't say yes, you might steal his sword and try to teach _yourself._"

Rikku laughed, and Yuna smiled as she traced the detailing on the sword between them. "He also said you showed promise. I think he was right. You handled this thing like a pro today. Even Paine was impressed."

"She said that?"

"Well, no, but it wasn't hard to see. You're so small that nobody ever expects any real strength from you." Yuna grinned in a way that Rikku knew had been learned from her. "I like that you can prove them wrong."

Rikku felt an answering grin spread over her own face and she looked back down at the scarlet sphere cupped in her hands.

"Me too," she said. The steel of the blade pressed against her leg, and she swore she could feel him in its warmth.


	6. Black Balloon

**VI**

Black Balloon  
The Goo Goo Dolls

_A thousand other boys could never reach you  
__How could I have been the one?  
__I saw the world spin beneath you, and  
__Shatter like ice from the spoon that was your womb  
__Coming down, the world turned over  
__And angels fall without you there  
__And I go on as you get colder  
__Or are you someone's prayer?_

"You know, I always thought you'd laugh if I ever told you how I felt."

Auron didn't stir, but Rikku knew he was listening anyway. "I was so scared," she went on. "'Cause you realize you're _famous._ And I felt like such a _kid_ around you."

Auron smiled, though he didn't open his eye. "You make me feel old," he admitted. His chest rumbled against Rikku's ear.

"You _are_ old," she teased.

He didn't argue. She didn't know exactly how old he was, really, but she had only been _joking._ It worried her, the way his smile faded just a little at her words.

"I've never understood why you would want me," he said. "I _am_ old, or, at least, much older than you. There are so many young men who—"

"Quit that," she scolded, straightening up and poking him in the side. He opened his eye and squinted up at her in irritation. "Who cares how old you are? Nobody fights like you, nobody is braver than you, and I'm pretty sure nobody glares like you either. And," she added, leaning in and murmuring right into his ear, "nobody has a voice like yours. It's the only thunder I'm not afraid of."

Auron laughed. "I sometimes think that this is the gods' way of apologizing to me," he said, and Rikku didn't understand but something in the way he said it (beneath the warmth there was grief and a bone-deep weariness) sent shivers down her spine.

"What d'you mean?" she asked.

But he only shook his head and kissed her.


	7. Overboard

**VII**

Overboard  
Ingrid Michaelson

_I could write my name by the age of three  
__And I don't need anyone to cut my meat for me  
__I'm a big girl now; see my big girl shoes  
__But as strong as I seem to think I am my distressing damsel  
__She comes out at night when the moon's filled up  
__And your eyes are bright  
__Then I think I simply ought to fall over  
__Fall overboard just so you can catch me_

This was… a problem. Not just a 'oh darn, I can't find my favorite pair of earrings' problem, a _big_ problem. The kind of problem you lost sleep and appetite over. It wasn't really _dangerous_, and it wasn't anything that could really be fixed.

It was just, every time Auron looked at her with his dark, solemn eye, she felt something go all funny inside and she knew she was starting to fall in love.

It could've been a crush. But Rikku was pretty sure she knew the difference. 'Crush' had been when Gippal had kissed her on a game of Spin the Bottle when they were thirteen and she'd giggled about it for days afterwards. He was her best friend and he knew how to kiss and he'd smelt good. But it didn't last all that long, and even while it had, she'd known it wasn't anything serious.

This went right down to her toes and into every hair. This made her shiver all over every time he said her name. This flooded her body with adrenaline every time he smiled. This—

--this was a problem.

She'd always told herself she wasn't gonna fall in love. Boyfriends, sure. Kissing was nice. She liked the feeling of arms around her and of sharing someone's body heat. Company, that was all very well.

But this was _Spira_, and there was absolutely no guarantee that you'd wake up the next day. Pops had loved her mother, and what had that gotten them? Heartbreak. Family she couldn't do anything about – you loved your family no matter who they were and what they did.

Romance, on the other hand, should be avoided. She'd been doing so _well._

And then Auron came along with his intense gaze and his dark-chocolate voice and she _lost_ it.


	8. Freak Me Out

**VIII**

Freak Me Out  
Weezer

_Man, you really freak me out; I'm so afraid of you  
__And when I lose my cool, I don't know what to do  
__I know you don't mean no harm  
__You're just doing your thing, but man  
__You really freak me out._

Auron knew what was happening, but he hadn't done a thing to stop it. He should have, of course. He was a mature adult. He knew there was no way for this to end well. He'd noticed the lingering touches, the sidelong glances, the too-warm smiles. He knew what it meant.

But Rikku made him laugh again. She took all his pain and anger and sadness and pushed them away for a time, bringing to light all the things he'd forgotten to enjoy. He began to actually taste his food and feel the warmth of sunlight on his face. He began to notice constellations again, and remember the stories behind them. He slept more, and longer and deeper. It was as though his life – or death, really – had been a flipbook, and she'd suddenly turned it all into three-dimensional colour.

It was unnerving, to say the least.

But still, he did nothing to stop it. He no longer had the will.


	9. Annie

**IX**

Annie  
James Blunt

_Annie, would it be nice to be recognized?  
Did you practice your autograph but now no one's asked  
__And it's such a shame that the dreams are crumbling?  
Annie, why aren't you bathed in the limelight?  
'Cause I thought that you said you'd be a celebrity several years ago  
Did it all come tumbling down, down? Will you go down on me?  
'Cause Annie you're a star, that's just not going very far._

People recognized Yuna everywhere they went. She was the daughter of Braska and a summoner herself, and guarded by the legendary Auron. It made her one of the most talked-about people in Spira.

It didn't bother Rikku much in the beginning. She hadn't done anything at all – why _should_ people pay attention to her, or to any of Yuna's other guardians? Auron didn't even seem the like the attention he garnered, and in fact scowled at anyone who came too close.

It wasn't that Rikku wanted all that fame – at least not without having done something to earn it. But it got a little harder every time, to be glared and hissed at and all but spat on. To have mothers pull their children away from her because she was _filthy Al Bhed._ Or, worse (and this was really the most common) – to be so completely ignored that if someone's eyes did happen on her, they went right through her.

Tidus and Wakka had little kids hanging off of them, desperate for heroic stories or lessons in blitzball. Lulu couldn't go ten steps without someone flirting with her. Even Kimahri, who, like Auron, didn't want any attention at all, had people staring up at him in awe – whether for his broken horn or because Ronso rarely ventured off of Gagazet, Rikku wasn't sure.

But she was merely invisible.

"It won't always be this way," Auron said one night as he stroked her hair. "People are ignorant. They've been taught you fear and hate you. But once they realize the extent of Yevon's deception, they'll begin to understand."

"I don't mind," she answered lightly. The look Auron gave her told her she wasn't convincing in the least, but he didn't contradict her. "This is Yuna's story, and Tidus' too, I guess."

"Yes," he agreed. "But someday you'll have your own. You can't sit still for a moment – I have no doubt you'll go on many more adventures. You'll do your part to better Spira, and someday people will notice."


	10. Turn Me On

**X**

Turn Me On  
Norah Jones

_Like a flower waiting to bloom  
__Like a lightbulb in a dark room  
__I'm just sitting here, waiting for you  
__To come on home and turn me on._

Years of battle and danger meant that when a small hand land on his shoulder, his first instinct was to grab the arm and flip his attacker over. There was a gasp, and then a familiar giggle, and Auron squinted in the faint moonlight to find Rikku looking over at him with an impish expression.

"Well," she said breathlessly, "I guess you read my mind."

He glowered, sitting up and propping himself up on his elbows. "You shouldn't do that," he reprimanded, frowning down at her. "I could have actually hurt you."

"Sorry," she answered, though she didn't sound too worried. "Didn't think about it."

"It's late."

"Yup. We've got about…" Rikku glanced out the window. "Five hours till sunrise. Five hours 'til we give the signal and get this show on the road. Kinda scary, don't you think?"

"You aren't wanting to back out—?"

"What, and let you guys have all the fun? No way!" Rikku grinned. "I'll be there, banner flying."

"Well, then—"

"I just thought, in the spirit of last chances – well." Rikku hesitated, and then leaned up and kissed him on the lips.

He almost fell into her. Her lips were every bit as warm and yielding as he'd imagined, and they left a faint peppermint taste on his mouth. Her hand was raking through his hair and he could feel her breasts against him, even through his coat.

"I don't wanna die a virgin," she whispered when she pulled away just enough to break the kiss. Her breath smelled like toothpaste and her eyelashes were tickling his cheek but her voice was shaky, and the tone set off alarms in Auron's head.

"No," he said sharply, pushing her away a little harder than necessary. Because that was the completely _wrong_ reason to want to lose one's virginity. It was exactly the kind of thing he was sure she would regret when she survived. And she _would_ survive.

"Why not?" Rikku looked a little hurt, but Auron refused to feel guilty when he was only trying to do what was best for her. "I've wanted you since – like, _ever_. I almost kissed you tonight on the deck but I chickened out. But I _want_ you, Auron, I want you like crazy."

"You shouldn't throw something like this away just because of fear."

"It _isn't_ fear. Haven't you been listening? I – okay, yeah, I'm scared. I told you that already. I'm scared as heck, but I like you. A lot. I've always liked you. I can make my own decisions. I know what I'm doing. And if this is my last chance to have this with you, then…"

Oh, no. No, no, no. He couldn't give in. She was looking at him with those willful green eyes, like she knew what she was asking and really did want it. She looked like a woman.

Her lips were so soft as she start to kiss along his jaw, and her hands were working at the fastenings on his coat. And because he was weak, and in spite of every rational reason why he _shouldn't_, he surrendered. He could do nothing else.


End file.
